Election Day Blues

Yesterday was election day here in Kansas City. Since there were only three questions on the ballot voting went very quickly. I voted “yes” on one issue, which was requesting a small tax increase to fund more public transit. I’d thought about voting “no” on the issue, but while I don’t feel warm and fuzzy about what our politicians might be thinking about doing with the money, I realize there is, and has been, a desperate need for more public transit here. I voted “no” on another tax issue about taxing internet sales when the sale is with an entity outside the state of Missouri. The third issue concerned 5.339 acres of property a bit north of where Nancy and I live. According to the Parks and Recreation Commissioners, the property is “no longer necessary or appropriate for park, parkway, or boulevard use.” 

It didn’t seem like a difficult vote to me. In fact, if I could have voted “hell no!” I would have. 

I shouldn’t have been surprised with the result, but I was. Actually, I was stunned. A bit over sixty percent of those voting agreed that the property is “no longer necessary or appropriate……” 

So, what’s next? Let me hazard a wild guess. Condos? Strip malls? Casinos? There are a lot of things that could be done with 5.339 acres of land. The ancient Romans built their magnificent Colosseum on six acres of land. I don’t want to feed our city’s leaders’ empty heads with ideas, but why couldn’t we do something like that here in Kansas City? Can you imagine what Saturdays and Sundays might be like if we took advantage of such a golden opportunity. The city could round up some of the most notorious croaks roaming our streets and put them in the arena like the Roman emperors did a couple of thousand years ago. The possibility of men tearing each other apart limb from limb while the crowds in the stands munched on hot dogs, barbeque, nachos and drank beer would be exhilarating. The politicians would almost certainly be thinking of the revenue stream this twenty-first century version of bread and circuses would provide. Like Nero fiddling while Rome burned, they’d be dancing with glee. 

I understand it’s far-fetched, but I’m using the idea as a way of driving home a point.  

Consider this.  Our Parks Department has declared that 5.339 beautiful acres of land is “no longer necessary” and sixty percent of those who voted agree with them.  The very real possibility of strip malls, condos, and casinos looms in the distance. 

I wasn’t born into an environment that would be considered pleasant to the eye. I was born in inner city Boston and spent many of my formative years there. Mine was a world of tenements and broken glass.  Years after I left Boston for good, I described my inner-city experience in Iambic Pentameter: 

The Romantic’s Ghetto 
By 
Phil Dillon 
 
Some say their roots are in the land 
In the strength and dignity of furrowed country rows 
Mine are in the blaze of neon 
Giving light and breath to the tenements lining ghetto streets. 
 
Some say their faith was honed on cathedral glass 
And sharpened by regal priestly robes 
Mine was cut on jagged ghetto glass 
And purified by the clatter of subway steel. 
 
Some say they have an eye for distant landscapes 
Or the refined beauty of a mountain stream. 
Mine is tuned to a ragged ghetto face 
Or the cloistered ghetto masses forgotten by the rush of time. 
 
Where’s the dignity of life to be found? 
In the land? In a stream? 
For some it is for sure…..Where is it then for me? 
It’s the romance of the Ghetto that will always fill my soul. 

Things had to change. It took a couple of experiences from my teen years to stop over-romanticizing that inner-city life. When I was about twelve years old the Episcopal church I attended sent me to a summer camp in Buzzard’s Bay on Cape Cod. There I got to roam around in an environment I’d never been in before. The beauty of the sand dunes, the sound of waves crashing against the shore, and the taste of cranberries picked fresh from the bogs was enchanting.  

When I was fourteen I graduated to summer camps in New Hampshire. The environment was different, but every bit as enchanting. I grew to love the sound of the wind whistling through the pines and gazing at Mount Manadnock early in the morning. 

That sense of enchantment has never left me. Nancy and I lived for years in Emporia, Kansas, which is about 90 miles south of Kansas City. It’s perched on the rim of the Kansas Flint Hills, which is a Tallgrass Prairie that stretches from Oklahoma to Canada. It is one of the cleanest ecosystems on the planet. To some like our enterprising Parks commissioners it must seem like a lot of wasted space that could be better utilized to build condos or casinos. In fact, there have been some who have recommended erecting hundreds of wind turbines out there to produce energy. Fortunately, the locals rejected the idea, which had been supported by Ted Kennedy and other east coast Democrats. The farmers’ and ranchers’ suggestion that the politicians erect the wind turbines on Hyannis or Maryland’s eastern shore put an end to that ill-advised scheme. 

About three or four times a week my duties as a service engineer for FedEx required a trip to Wichita, which meant an early morning drive through the Flint Hills. I’d leave the house right around dawn and pass by the almost treeless environment, catching a glimpse of Orion’s Belt as it surrendered to the daylight and the wonder of taking peeks at the rolling hills that seemed to stretch into eternity itself. After a few trips I decided to stop on the way and reflect on what I was seeing. I wrote about those reflections and they follow: 

Reflections at Mile Marker 109, Kansas Turnpike 
By 
Phil Dillon 
© 2002 Phil Dillon 
 
It’s the cusp of dawn. I’m chasing Orion’s Belt and bull-haulers down the Kansas Turnpike. At mile marker 109, about a furlong or two south of the cattle pens, I stop. 
 
The occasional rush of southbound traffic breaks the dawn silence. Like a general poised in his appointed place, I review the early morning parade. Saints and scoundrels, gospel singers and politicians, truckers, ranchers, engineers, doctors, lawyers, accountants, mothers, fathers, children, all pass by. Problems and opportunities wind their way down the highway with them. 
 
I touch the highway sign. Mile marker 109. I feel the bits of rust creeping up on the metal. It’s man-made, temporal, placed on the edge of the eternal. It speaks. “This is where you are.” It speaks of commerce and progress passing by. It speaks of cattle and concept drawings on their journeys past a solitary milepost planted on the edge of eternity. 
 
I turn, take a step, and cast my gaze across the prairie. Like the storied astronaut of my youth, that one small step transports me from one world to another. Thoughts pass by. Some pass quietly, humming like the Toyotas and Fords on the highway. Others I hear in the distance. Their low, grinding hums become roars as they draw near, like the Peterbilts and Kenworths hauling their precious cargoes from Chicago to Dallas or the Twin Cities to San Antonio. 
 
While the darkness has not yet surrendered to the day, there are hints of color along the rim of the eastern sky. I sense that they carry the faint whisper of an announcement of the millennium to come. The ageless ritual proceeds, moment by moment. Light overcomes the darkness. The unbroken sky and the endless sea of grass now join together in a hymn of praise. The morning breeze caresses the tallgrass. The blades of grass, in turn, wave gently to and fro, worshippers caught up in the glory of this moment. 
 
Thoughts glide effortlessly through the air, then stop to gently kiss the earth. The earth gratefully receives the kiss from above and pleads, “Maranatha…..Maranatha.” 
 
A hawk circles above, wings outstretched, reaching for an unseen spire. As he circles, the dawn sun touches him, revealing his priestly robes and eyes of fire. 
 
I sense that I’ve entered a great cathedral. I’m overwhelmed by my own smallness. I fear. The hawk descends slowly, gracefully and speaks. “You are indeed small. But, fear not. You’re known…..You’re known. This is where you are. Mile marker 109. This is the place where the line between now and forever is drawn. Here you own nothing, but are given the grace to be a part of everything. The language of the world you left is ownership. The language here is stewardship. This is the place where moth and rust do not corrupt.” 
 
His appointed ministry complete, he now lays hold of the morning currents and moves effortlessly off to the east. 
 
I feel the warmth of a tear as it drifts slowly down my cheek. My epiphany’s complete. I turn back and take another small step, returning to the world I left moments before. I take my place in line with my fellow travelers, the builders and dreamers, the movers and shakers, the commerce and the concepts. Our daily procession has taken us past this place…..mile marker 109. 

I’ve been part of that daily procession many times since that encounter and each one has given me what I believe are some wonderful insights. I’ve learned that, while I’m a very small speck in a very big universe, I am still known. I’ve learned that this world doesn’t revolve around cattle cars and concept drawings, nor does it revolve around the idea that this world needs more condos and casinos. Things really are much bigger than the so-called movers and shakers could possibly imagine. 

I realize that I can’t change the results of the election. I’m disappointed, but I’m not going to mount a “stop the steal” movement here in Kansas City. I’ll just close with a snippet from an old film titled “The Hoodlum Priest.” At the end of the film, a young man who had been befriended by Father Charles Dismas Clark, was on his way to the gas chamber. Outside the chamber there is a protestor bearing anti capital punishment sign. As the man pulls out a cigarette, a guard lights up his letter and tells the man, “You’re not gonna’ change the world carrying that sign around.” The man responds, “I’m not trying to change the world; I’m just trying to keep the world from changing me.” 

And that’s where I am today. Like that lonely protester I’m just “trying to keep the world from changing me.” 

My Thorn in the Flesh

“Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 

II Corinthians 12:7-10 (New International Version) 

Writing to fellow Christians in the city of Corinth in about 55 A.D., the apostle Paul cited “a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment” him. Scholars have occasionally speculated on what that thorn might have been. Was it problems with his vision? He had alluded to a problem like this in his letter to the Galatians. Could it have been a person, perhaps, someone like Alexander the coppersmith who Paul referred to in one of his letters to a young Christian named Timothy? Could it have been the temptations we all face on a daily basis?  

Scholars simply don’t know, but it seemed to be a very real problem. It frustrated him enough to call it a “thorn in the flesh.” 

For several years now I’ve had a “thorn in the flesh.” Mine is Parkinson’s disease. “What is Parkinson’s?” you might be asking. I really couldn’t give you a detailed medical description Parkinson’s disease, but I know it’s been around for a long time. In 175 A.D., for example, the ancient Greek physician Galen described it as “shaking palsy.” 

I first noticed it when I developed a tremor in my left hand. Any time I picked up something like a cup of coffee in a saucer with my left hand it would shake and the cup and saucer rattle around. I found it quite amusing, so much so that I started using the cup and saucer as part of my own little comedy routine when company would come to our house. I loved the telling expressions my routine evoked. No one would say a word about what they were thinking, but I knew. “My God, he’s gonna’ drop them. I hope they’re not Wedgewood or Royal Albert.”  

The routine grew old. The puzzled looks became icy stares that all but shouted, “Stop it Phil!”  

Next, a new symptom came. I’d always prided myself on being able to multitask. I spent a good part of my professional life working for FedEx, where being nimble, quick thinking is absolutely essential. I was really good at it, as both a logistics analyst and a service engineer. 

Nancy was the first to notice the drastic change. I was driving one day, with her in the passenger seat. As was my habit, I talked as I drove, but it ended quite abruptly. In the most emphatic voice I’ve ever heard from her I heard the following – “Pull the car over. Slick. You’re all over the road. You can’t drive and talk at the same time anymore. You just can’t. It’s Parkinson’s.” 

As much as I would have liked to deny it, I couldn’t. This was more than not being able to “chew gum and walk at the same time.” This was serious. I had to accept the truth that there were some things I couldn’t do any more.  

Accepting this truth was hard at first. I value my independence, but things had changed. I was no longer the nimble multi-tasker. It was at this point “grace appeared.” While some things had changed, others hadn’t. Parkinson’s had placed limits on one thing, but grace opened another avenue for me to get from place to place. Nancy started doing all the driving.  

What an arrangement! I could still get around, thanks to Nancy’s willingness act as surrogate Uber driver. She drives; we talk; the car stays between the lines.  

Another byproduct of Parkinson’s is the diminished ability to maintain good balance. I like to do things around the house. We own a second property, a loft in Kansas City’s River market district. It’s a small unit, about 800 square feet. One of the interesting features of the unit is the high ceiling. It’s about 18 feet high, with light fixtures placed strategically at points where the ceiling and walls meet.   When one of the lightbulbs goes it, it means that someone has to replace it.  

Several months ago, one of the bulbs did go out. I went and got a long extension ladder that’s provided by the homeowners’ association. It was a difficult enough chore getting it into the unit, but I managed. Next, I extended the ladder against the wall. With a lightbulb in hand, I began to slowly make my way to the top. Once I got to the top, I took a deep breath and unscrewed the burned-out bulb. Then, it happened. As I reached into the pocket of my hoodie to get the new bulb, I felt my balance giving way. I tried to steady myself, but it didn’t work. It only took a few seconds, but it felt like eight hours. All the way down I kept telling myself, ”Protect your head…protect your head.” I felt and heard the ”thud” as I hit the concreate floor, shoulder first. I laid on the floor for a few minutes, trying to assess how much damage I’d done to myself. Not much, fortunately. My shoulder was sore for a few days and my brain had rattled a bit, but that was the extent of the damage. 

I learned a valuable lesson from that fall. I don’t climb ladders anymore!  

I have to admit it. Parkinsons can be very humbling. While I can never claim to be a superstar or a strongman, I’d like to think I can multitask or climb ladders with ease. The truth is, I can’t. 

I can see my limitations, but like Paul in the New Testament, I am learning a very valuable truth. “My grace is sufficient for you.” 

It also helps to have allies as I contend with my thorn in the flesh. When I was first diagnosed with Parkinsons, my neurologist would end every session with the words, “Engage Mr. Dillon….engage!” It was another way of saying, “Don’t give in to the temptation to quit battling.”  I haven’t and I won’t.  

For several years now I’ve been enrolled in a program called “Rock Steady.” It’s a non-contact boxing/exercise program that’s been designed for people with Parkinsons. It’s  sponsored by North Kansas City Hospital. I attend classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I’ve grown to love it. I love being able to interact with folks like me who are engaged in their own battles with Parkinsons.  I fumble around with my buddies Doc, Noodles, Dave, Lee, Mike and a host of other wonderful people. We all have an occasional laugh at our own expense as we do our fumbling. I remember once falling and using my dry Irish wit to lighten the atmosphere as folks came to my aid. “He never tagged me, ump. I was safe….I was safe.” That sort of thing happens a lot. We also get to wear boxing gloves and whale away at punching bags with series of jabs, hooks, uppercuts, and so forth.  When it’s my turn I like to pretend that I’m whaling away at some self-absorbed national or local politician. Oh my, that is really fun! 

In addition to Rock Steady, I also volunteer at North Kansas City hospital across the street on Tuesdays from 11:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. In that short span of time love transporting patients to and from appointments, with occasional opportunities to interact with them, trying my best to lift their spirits. Knowing my limitations in terms of multi-tasking I steer clear of the computers at the Pavilion desk.  I like it so much that I now consider myself a “pusher,” with a qualifying addendum to my title. “I’m a pusher without being pushy. 

One of the great benefits of interacting with patients who need help is seeing my own “thorn in the flesh” from a healthier perspective. If/when I want to feel sorry for myself, interacting with patients with far more serious problems than mine changes things. At those times when I feel like lamenting, providing a bit of support for someone far more needy than me is a wakeup call: “Come on Phil, things could be far worse. You do have a thorn in your flesh, but so do many others you interact with on a daily basis.   You need to see that God’s grace is sufficient for you. You need to fumble around. You need to laugh at yourself occasionally. You need to push with whatever strength you have. And, above all, you need to engage….engage…..engage!”